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Maybe that's why some Christians are getting creative about fresh expressions of church for young families. It's a sad thing to see new families come to church and spend the duration of the service trying to keep their young children quiet. At a time of life when parents are exhausted, I'm not surprised people are looking ways in which children can explore spirituality at their level, while providing a short, safe, guilt-free environment for parents where little ones aren't demanding to take dolly and pushchair up to the rail for communion, or running helter-skelter round a hall during a 30-minute preach in a 'supposed' all-age worship service.

However, this type of fresh expression comes with a health warning. The spiritual needs of both children and adults need to be considered in the long-term. If these fresh expressions really are church and not just services, the discipleship of all is crucial. At the same time, we mustn't fall back into the trap of believing one gathering can do all that is needed, especially when such gatherings often happen only monthly.

As the new Share page on fresh expressions of church with children describes, creative responses to this discipleship issue are beginning to emerge. Some fresh expressions are using crèche facilities to enable part of their time together to be more focused on adult discipleship. Others are finding an evening meeting for parents' spiritual exploration over a glass of wine works well. Lastly, there are some fantastic 'faith at home' resources to encourage families to explore discipleship together on an ongoing basis between the large, occasional gatherings.

Faith at home resources: Posada, Families First magazine, Home is a Holy Place, Creative Ideas for Quiet Corners, The Godmother, The Faith 5 (Faith Acts In The Home) and Sleeping with Bread (practising the prayer of examen as families).

Claire Dalpra has worked in Church Army's research team The Sheffield Centre for ten years. Her role as assistant researcher involves writing, editing, consultancy and conferencing in the area of fresh expressions of church. Read Encounters on the Edge 31: Small Beginnings for a summary of her findings regarding church for under 5s and their families.

Claire is starting up an online discussion group on Share for those involved or interested in church for children. If you would like to join, email Claire here for details.

If you have something burning to say and want to contribute to the Share weekly guest blog, please contact Beth Keith.

The first is when people who have no church background begin to serve the purposes of God in the same way that the 'starter group' first served them. The weakness of some fresh expressions is that the 'serving centre' reflects the culture of mainstream church, well schooled in Christian teaching and practice. So from the start we need to think about how an unchurched person can become a full part of its community life, and begin to serve others as they were once served. It is as if the process has come full circle – like a rope going around something and creating a kind of knot. It secures the day to day life of the fresh expression. If the initial team collapsed, the fresh expression would hold, at least for a time. Before this point the whole rope would simply unravel and all the initial energy would be lost. So from the beginning we need to think about how to get to that first point of sustainability.

Then I wonder if there is a second 'loop' of the rope – when the unchurched person initially served is enabled into leadership. This is like putting a double knot on the rope and securing it properly. So from early on in a fresh expression we need to be looking at people who are being drawn into faith, and asking how these people are going to share in its leadership. If the way we model leadership requires being comfortable with (even keen on) the ways of mainstream church, this fresh expression is never going to become entirely secure. It will always depend on importing leaders with the right credentials. 

Both these tests of sustainability help to focus my mind. In offering to serve others in the name of Christ, can I see how new people can start to help others in the same way they have been served, albeit relying on the grace of God as they do so? Is it too 'expert' a form of service for this to happen very soon? Does it require too much theological understanding, or pastoral expertise, or public speaking skills, or group facilitation skills, or whatever? If so, it is going to be absolutely ages before this fresh expression even achieves the basic level of sustainability. During that time it could fail.

And then, how could ordinary people enter into leadership fairly quickly? Is the leadership task massively complex? Does it require awesome organisational skills? Is it a 'burnout' model that no one in their right mind would take on? Is it deeply fulfilling to do, albeit also a lot of hard work? Is it a shared and meaningful experience, rather than a long and lonely road?

In other words, how can my new fresh expression be something that new members get involved in fairly quickly and the more able ones move into leadership fairly easily?

Does any of that make sense?

David Muir is an Ordained Pioneer Minister in the Okehampton Deanery of Exeter Diocese. With a long background in adult Christian education, he is now supporting 24 largely rural parishes to create fresh expressions of church that will resonate with the increasingly diverse population of Devon. He is also course leader of The Pioneer Disciple, an Anglican/Methodist Devon adaptation of the mission shaped ministry course (see www.exeter.anglican.org/pioneer), and he writes a regular column on how to do church in a 'pioneer' way (see www.exeter.anglican.org/pioneerprimer).

If you have something burning to say and want to contribute to the Share weekly guest blog, please contact Beth Keith.

People involved in fresh expressions often feel discouraged by the reaction of other Christians. This can range from a lack of interest to outright hostility.

But I've noticed recently that even among people involved in alternative forms of church there seems to be a competitive edge, with casually disparaging comments being made about other people's ministries.

It's human nature, of course, to put people down, on the basis that 'S/he must become smaller so I may be greater' – but aren't Christians meant to march to a different beat?

I wonder if this has something to do with the way it's become acceptable in the last few years for people who don't like Christianity to treat it with contempt rather than engage in proper debate. Is this undermining our confidence in ourselves, so that we end up trying to make ourselves feel better by pointing out each other's inadequacies?

I think mission can be summarised in three instructions Jesus gave his followers:

• Go make disciples
• Feed my sheep
• Love one another

I don't believe that any one of these can happen in isolation from the others.

Loving one another will at times involve offering criticism, but always constructively, in a way that builds up. Knocking things down is hard work, but building them up again once they've been knocked down is even harder.

Ask Nehemiah!

Pam Smith is currently priest in charge of i-church, an online community founded by the Diocese of Oxford. Before she was ordained she was a Reader (Licensed Lay Minister) at Coventry Cathedral and a lay prison chaplain.

If you have something burning to say and want to contribute to the Share weekly guest blog, please contact Beth Keith.

Churches often ask how 'we' can do mission. But who are the 'we'? How was the membership of our church determined? And the answer mostly is: worship style. In these 'worship-shaped churches', the worship style gives people their essential sense of 'belonging'. The problem with worship-shaped churches engaging in mission is that they find it very hard work. It is like introverts going to parties, or extroverts going on silent retreats – it's just not their 'shape' or their inner style. They can do it, but it drains them because their membership is not 'gathered' around this purpose.

The churches in one Devon town provide a housing trust that supports homeless people. Now, if a homeless young man is touched by God's care for him expressed in this project and wants to explore the Christian faith, what does he 'join'? Where is the fellowship of Christian people who are energised by this aspect of the Christian mission that has touched him? He can't join it because it isn't there. The Christians who work together in this project have melted away into their separate worship-shaped churches, where that project is frankly peripheral to their corporate life.

Our challenge today is to create churches where the primary reason people join is the particular focus of its mission. Such churches will find worship hard – as hard as the worship-shaped churches find mission. Worship will not be the emotional powerhouse that it is for worship-shaped churches. But it will also not need to be. 'Gathering for mission' is what will give a mission-shaped church energy, and will keep it on track as a mission-oriented church.

In a sense, worship stands at the most intimate centre of the church's life. It can be totally enthralling, whether it be a charismatic celebration or choral evensong. A good worship life in a church is like a good sex life in a marriage. But what would we say about a marriage where the couple talk constantly about sex, earnestly read books about how to make their sex life even better, spend most of their spare time in bed together, live from one sexual encounter to the next? We would worry for them – because the truth is that marriage is much more than sex. It is about building home, creating stability, providing places of companionship and welcome – and, of course, having and raising children.

Jesus invites us to put the kingdom of God and his justice first, and everything else will be ours as well. For those who love to worship, but who also want to be instruments of God's kingdom purposes and his justice in our day, it is a saying they need to learn to trust. 

David Muir is an Ordained Pioneer Minister in the Okehampton Deanery of Exeter Diocese. With a long background in adult Christian education, he is now supporting 24 largely rural parishes to create fresh expressions of church that will resonate with the increasingly diverse population of Devon. He is also course leader of The Pioneer Disciple, an Anglican/Methodist Devon adaptation of the mission shaped ministry course (see www.exeter.anglican.org/pioneer), and he writes a regular column on how to do church in a 'pioneer' way (see www.exeter.anglican.org/pioneerprimer).

If you have something burning to say and want to contribute to the Share weekly guest blog, please contact Beth Keith.

The most stark example happened some weeks ago when a trainee minister from another diocese came to visit our mid-week drop-in. She'd been given the task of 'assessing' a fresh expression, and had chosen us as we are geographically close, even though our contexts are very different: we're a deprived outer estate; she'd come from a leafy rural village. She had a clipboard and lots of questions and, having arrived before the 'official' start of our session, took the opportunity to ask me and the other leaders various pre-prepared questions. Once our members started to arrive she chatted with them, but a little later was getting ready to leave and pulled me to one side to ask me a few more questions.

Her last question was: 'What are the pros and cons of your work?' to which I struggled for an answer. What are the 'cons' of living alongside people who, because they are not only aware of their material and physical needs, but are also (very refreshingly!) aware of their spiritual needs, are more ready than many in wealthier communities to welcome God into their lives and see him begin to transform every aspect of their situation?

How can it be a 'con' to see people who feel they're 'not good enough to come to church' growing in faith, and, through membership of our fresh expression, start to see the reality of belonging to the local Christian community?

To see marriages that were headed for the rocks being rejuvenated?

To support a single mother who is thinking of walking out on her young children, as she turns around and begins enjoying motherhood again?

To rejoice when a family get the loan sharks off their backs and become officially 'economically active' for the first time in years?

As I struggled to know how to answer her question, I decided to ask our members: 'What difference does Chill Out make to you?' (Chill Out is the name of our fresh expression – coined by one of our founder members, because 'This is a great place to come and chill out'.) Without hesitation, one woman spoke up: 'If it wasn't for Chill Out, I'd have been dead years ago'. She's not joking – as a recovering addict she's all too aware of her mortality and of the new life God has given her.

In a less striking example, as we went through a process of discerning our values and vision, it was the members rather than the leaders who had the clearest picture of what our fresh expression provides and how it might develop in the future.

I like to think that I'm reasonably good at being a cross-cultural missionary, from my university-educated, middle class upbringing, into this very different culture. But instances like this show me how far I still have to go.

When will I stop thinking of us as 'leaders' and 'members' and realise that we're all sinners becoming saints, journeying together, from different starting points, at different speeds, but all heading towards the same place, or rather, person?

I'm grateful to God for these lessons in humility and reality and look forward (I think!) to the next lesson. Lord, let me never stop learning, and let me always be willing to learn from those the world brands as foolish, but in whom you see wisdom and truth.

Biog: Frances Shoesmith is on a journey, from chemical engineer in the Exxon family, to stipendiary curacy in a Shropshire market town, to self-supporting Pioneer Minister in post-industrial Bootle, Merseyside, and with a growing passion to explore how fresh expressions can help bring the gospel to adults in deprived urban communities.

If you have something burning to say and want to contribute to the Share weekly guest blog, please contact Beth Keith.